It was the first day of school for us. Bittersweet for me. Lia’s all graduated and stuff and is still looking for a job, so she’s home and taking a few online college classes. It’s really nice not having to battle the high school parking lot this year! I swear I’ll never do that again. Emily’s going to Connections Academy, which is an online school, so she’s home as well. And my baby Anya is starting kindergarten. I expect my schedule to have some exciting changes, including the potential for more writing time, but right now I’m sort of reeling. Can’t help but feel a little bit older, as I do at the beginning of every school year.
So I think we need a laugh! I try to keep my Facebook statuses interesting, as does Lia. I thought I’d copy and paste a few of my favorites.
Here’s a warning for my friends my age: When you behave like a teenager, the next day you feel like an old lady.
Having a random mattress fall on me while I’m just minding my own business on the couch: not my idea of the best way to start the day.
You guys totally missed me falling off the toilet and ending up halfway in the bathtub!
I throw spiders at Lia, it’s an involuntary reaction. This morning was the third time it happened. She doesn’t know about it yet.
Me: “Guess what I pulled out of my armpit yesterday?”
Dennis: (ignoring me completely) “Where’s Emily?”
Lia: “Nose hair!”
Aw man. I just walked into the back bedroom screaming, “NO NO NOOO! Where’s my cell phone, I’m gonna kill her!” Then I realized the window was open and the neighbors behind us are all outside.
Dear Similac: Thanks for the huge box of baby formula in the mail (addressed to my husband). My “baby” is five! I sure hope that was a free sample!
So, since the hubby is clearly enjoying his free baby formula samples, I signed him up for tampon samples.
Anya: Princes and princesses don’t stick their fingers in their mouths or pick their boogers. I go to the bathroom and blow my nose.
Grandma: But I have a picture of you picking your nose.
Anya: You should delete that one.
My sister glued eyes on a rock and named it Amanda Palmer.
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday. Today is Friday, Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday and afterwards is Sunday. Uh… I don’t know what’s next because Rebecca Black didn’t tell me. Is we so excited or what??
Anya while lying on me: “My couch is comfy but annoying. It won’t stop talking!”
I walked into the bathroom and Anya followed me in and asked what I was doing. I said I was going to the bathroom and she said, “Oh. Sorry, ho.”
There’s a lot of butt-slapping going on in my house.
Anya while playing Dolls: “Come on, little Mexican!”
I just dyed all the milk in my fridge blue. I can’t wait until someone finds it.