Monday Funny: The To-Do List

When I started up my computer earlier this week, I found that my daughter Lia had it. Instead of the usual awesome conglomeration of brass gears, I was greeted with the following picture in the middle of my desktop:

It’s still there.

Now I’m going to share my favorites from this awesome to-do list we found. Tell me your favorites, or if you plan on doing some of these – better yet, if you already have!

1. Change Facebook name to “No One.” Like people’s statuses…

2. Put blue Gatorade in a Windex bottle. Drink it in public.

3. Put sign on door that reads “Dumble.”

4. Have a conversation on Facebook with a friend. Delete all my comments. Make friend look insane. My mom does that!

5. Find a cookie. Tell yourself that eating the cookie is a bad idea. Eat the cookie anyway. Regret eating the cookie. Deal with guilt by eating more cookies. Yeah, I don’t totally do that. Nope, not me.

6. Hike in a national park. See a double rainbow. Break down crying.

7. Order a glass of melted ice with extra frozen water. Okay, we had all kinds of geniuses doing this when I worked at Denny’s! And they think they’re the only ones to ever come up with it.

8. Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo.

9. Go to Barnes and Noble. Put all cook books in the Women’s Studies section. Heh heh, sorry but that made me giggle.

10. Wear shirt that says “Life.” Hand out lemons on street corner.

11. Find out what color a chameleon is while it’s on a mirror.

12. Spray a mosquito with mosquito repellent. Laugh because he will never have any friends.

13. Make vanilla pudding. Put in mayo jar. Eat in public. We’re going to do this! In front of my husband, with a jar of Miracle Whip, because he despises Miracle Whip.

14. Major in philosophy. Ask people WHY they would like fries with that.

15. Buy angry birds stuffed animals. Walk around town throwing them at people. We have some, and have done this. Well, only with the friends, not around town.

16. Watch MTV for five minutes. Cry over the death of music.

17. Smack kid in the face with bottle of Johnson’s No More Tears shampoo. Sue Johnson & Johnson for false advertising.

18. Close browser window. Get a life. Yeah, I’m still working on that.

19. Find a Sicilian. Challenge him to a battle of wits involving iocaine powder, wine, and a pretty lady.

20. Mash up Oreos. Pour into flower pot. Eat in public. I’ve told the girls they have to do this when they’re pregnant, and not to use a spoon.

21. Buy an axe. Yell “random axe of kindness” and throw it at someone.

22. Go trick-or-treating on April fool’s day. Lia and Emily are planning this now.

23. Follow joggers around in a car blasting “Eye of the Tiger” for encouragement.

24. Become an old man. Wear Speedo. Go to beach. I bet a lot of them do that on purpose!

25. Hide money in pocket of winter coat. Forget money is there. Get excited when you find the money there come winter time.

26. Watch Disney Channel for five minutes. Apologize to Walt for so many things. Except Phineas & Ferb, which is just about the only Disney Channel show worth watching!

27. Buy Hannah Montana socks. Step on her face regularly.

28. Push on door for several minutes. Finally read the pull sign. That’s totally me!

29. Buy CD of ice cream truck music. Drive down the street blasting it. Watch kids get disappointed.

30. Die. Come back as a ghost. Find people I hate. Hide their car keys. That explains my constantly missing car keys! I didn’t realize I have so many dead enemies…

31. Cross breed horse and narwhal. Yeah, unicorns!!

32. Clip a combination lock into the ring of someone with hollow ear gauges. Run away.

33. Make elaborate Hogwarts rejection letters. Put in mailboxes of my enemies.

34. Go into a store’s fitting room. After several minutes yell loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

35. Open store next to Forever 21. Name it “Finally 22.” Maybe the clothes there will fit real people…

36. Dress like Aladdin. Go to a carpet store and scream, “HOW DO I GET THIS THING TO WORK?!”

37. Write a book. Entitle it “A New York Times Best Seller.” Not a bad idea actually!

38. Pee on tree in backyard. Watch dog freak out when he smells it.

39. Watch various made-for-tv Disney movies to find out what life at high school is really like.

40. Find Bruno Mars’ girlfriend. Throw a grenade at her.

I do have a serious side that I allow to see the light of day every once in a while. Today was my turn at ANWA Founder & Friends. I wrote a post on 9/11 here.

Brief writing update: Still going through the changes Jolene suggested in The Moongate. I’ve been doing a lot of combining scenes and a few deletions to bring the word count down even more. Holding off on further queries until I can get an accurate word count. Regularly bursting into tears!