My Very First Kiss Scene – Rewritten (by Lia)

A while ago I posted this one about how I’m a crappy romance writer. You know how you have that first kiss all planned in your head how you want it to look. Something like this:

Bonus points for anyone who knows what this scene is from!

But you’re scared that the scene will instead look a lot more like this:

And I’m not generally a pantser (one who writes by the seat of her pants, except I will pants my kids so maybe I really am a pantser after all). I plan chapter outlines down to the last detail. So it came as quite a surprise to me when two of my characters suddenly decided to kiss. I knew they were love interests, but hadn’t planned on them kissing for a while yet. I also hadn’t planned on the storm, which rolled in out of the blue, but that ended up being pretty good to forward the plot.

So after I finished writing it, I made the mistake of announcing to Lia that I’d finally written my first kiss scene and I was desperately hoping it wasn’t too cheesy, or cliche, or reminiscent of Pirates of the Caribbean (no swordfights, but they’re on a ship in a storm). She assured me she would take care of all the awkward parts and edit the scene so it was the hawtest airship kiss ever! (Please note the dripping sarcasm in the previous sentence.)

First I have to explain the Elijah reference, which doesn’t make sense now and probably never will, but at least you’ll know why she wrote it in. She asked what color Anthia’s eyes were, and I told her I never actually stated a color in the book, just said they were “dark,” probably around the color of my 7-year-old Elijah’s eyes, which are so dark brown they’re almost black.

“And if I’m wrong and you’re welcomed back into your family, then he’ll still try to marry you to a man you don’t love! No matter what you do, if you try to go home, you won’t get what you want. What’s best for you. And I won’t–” Milek’s voice cracked. “I won’t–”


“No, Milek, my darling! Don’t say it! Even a whisper of what you are about to say might shatter my very soul. It would wrench my heart and cause my hair to gray prematurely!” Anthia put her hand against her forehead in a fainting motion.

“But, Anthia. I must say it. For if I did not, my own heart would be wrenched! Wrenched like a dirty bolt in a door that has been left to rot! My dear Anthia, for shame! You won’t let me tell you my deepest, darkest secret and so my words begin to stumble, to twist, to make absolutely no sense whatsoever! Darling, please!”

Anthia’s hair whipped in the wind, twisting itself around her nose, for that was the only thing it could reach. “Say it, Milek. Out loud. Say it.”

“Vampire… Just kidding. I love you, my bodacious darling! And I want to be the only ex-pirate you will ever make out with in a disgusting fashion! You are my hope, my sun and moon, you are my EVERYTHANG, GURL.”

Kate, who was forced to witness this horrendous display of emotion, began to gag.

“Oh, Milek! No one has ever said something so beautiful in the general vicinity of my two ears! Come closer, so that I may besmooch you.”

Milek grabbed Anthia around the waist. “Anthia, my dear,” he stared lovingly into her dark, Elijah eyes. “Besmooch is not a word.” And with that, he pulled her in close and the two of them shared a disgusting, loud, squishy kiss.

For five minutes.

Until Kate got sick and threw up all over them.

Um. Ahem. Okay, the following is the actual kiss scene. If you can erase Lia’s work from your memory, please let me know if you see any of my previous concerns. Cheesy? Cliched? Too obvious I’m obsessed with POTC? lol

Milek had dropped the grin, giving a sad shake of his head. “No, but I know what men like him are like. Caring more for appearances than their own children. You’ve dishonored him, consorted with pirates. If he ever allows you under his roof at all, it’ll be as a servant–or he’ll lock you away and only care for you out of duty! You’ll never regain your status as his daughter.”

Anthia drew her arm back and slapped Milek across the face so hard that he staggered against the railing. The sound, like the snap of rigging in the wind, echoed across the deck. Milek stood upright and grabbed Anthia’s hands. She twisted away from him, but he dug his fingers into her wrists until, wincing with pain, she was forced to stand still.

“And if I’m wrong and you’re welcomed back, then he’ll still try to marry you to a man you don’t love! No matter what you do, if you try to go home, you won’t end up happy. And I won’t have–” Milek’s voice cracked. “I don’t want–”

“It doesn’t matter what you want.” Anthia pulled her hands from Milek’s grip and started to walk away, but he caught hold of her shoulders and turned her back to face him, pulling her close. Anthia’s outraged protest was cut off by Milek’s lips pressing against hers.

Kate felt guilty for watching, but couldn’t tear her eyes away as Anthia gradually stopped struggling to break free from Milek. The kiss lingered past the storm’s first drops of rain. Finally, her cheeks burning, Kate tiptoed up the steps leading to the main deck, thinking Anthia and Milek looked like they were quite capable of sorting out their disagreement by themselves.
Oh! Have any of you guys tried Blogger’s new comment nesting feature? I can reply to individual comments and I love it! And I have one more question: You know the little Favicon up in the address bar? I changed mine almost 2 months ago but I still see the old one even though it’s saved to the new one in Blogger’s settings. What do you guys see?

Also, mosey on over to my post on ANWA’s blog for a picture tour of my favorite local place to visit!


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17 thoughts on “My Very First Kiss Scene – Rewritten (by Lia)

  1. Okay seriously? You guys are making me get so many dirty looks in the library right now. Yes, I did just bury my face into my backpack to keep from actually laughing out loud. I should just stop going to the library when you guys do this.

    As far as your version of the scene goes, I really loved it! I really liked the fact that it wasn't like: They were mad and then they kissed. Oh look, rain.

    It was really well done 🙂

    Like

  2. You have to change your Favicon in the HTML or else it won't show up, even when you've changed it in the design. In the HTML desgin change do a ctrl+f and search for this line – (I tried to give you the line but then it wouldn't let me post the comment so instead just search for title, you'll find it) then copy you favicon HTML under that line. (if you don't have an HTML then you can get one by dowlading your image here – http://www.iconj.com/favicon_hosting.php) I wrote a whole blog post about it once which you can find here — http://abookagirlajourney.wordpress.com/2011/09/29/how-to-create-a-favicon/ *whew*

    Like

  3. A favicon is this tiny little icon that's on a windows tab or the left of the address bar. The little blue F for Facebook, the bird for Twitter, etc. Mine is saved as a little gear, but I still see a tiny Jack Sparrow pumpkin that I've had since Halloween. And you do the nesting comments by going to your dashboard, clicking on settings, then comments, and setting your comment form to “embedded below post.” Then you get nesting comments. It's so cool!

    Like

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